In case you've been wondering, we are all "still alive and kickin'." It feels as though this picture was just taken yesterday, but as you well know, time flies! The "littles" are now taller than the "bigs!" Look at them NOW!! Rachel has started 9th grade. She is learning to move around WHILE playing the flute in the marching band at school, and we have been enjoying watching her practice. She is most excited to return to seeing her friends daily. Jacob has started 7th grade. He is playing football with the 7th grade team and playing rec soccer this fall, too. He will be balancing the sports with a couple of honors classes, but he is MOST excited about daily football practice! Go Bears!
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A couple of months ago, on March 23, 2022 our family story changed forever. Together, Rafael and I decided that it was best that we separate and pursue divorce. There is a perceived shame cast upon couples as their partnerships dissolve, and people keep quiet about divorce for a variety of reasons. I believe that the masking of these situations continues to perpetuate the shame cycle surrounding the ending of relationships, and I refuse to participate. I refuse to accept shame for the dissolution of our marriage.
Rafael and I both contributed to the good and the bad throughout our 21 years of marriage, and I intend to treasure ALL of the positive experiences, family memories, and accomplishments most especially our 4 amazing children, Sarah, Gabriel, Rachel and Jacob. I resolve to remember the things that I love and admire about Rafael and plan to continue fostering a friendship with him so that we may co-parent our children well and adapt to this new version of family. I will redeem the lesser experiences by learning from them and healing the emotional wounds incurred. I'm hopeful that Rafael feels the same. There is no reason for either of us to feel embarrassed nor experience shame. We both fought like hell for our marriage, each other and our family every day until we just couldn’t fight anymore. Rice is one side dish that is often associated with Mexican food. At home, I serve 3 different rice dishes, depending on the main dish. I make a white rice with corn, cilantro lime rice and a "Mexican" red rice. Today, I'm sharing my tried and true "Mexican" Red Rice. I serve this with many of my homemade Mexican dishes, including Enchiladas, Caldo de Res, Albondigas and Carne Guisada. The secret to an authentic rice recipe is the toasting of the rice adding water. "Mexican" Red RiceIngredients: 1 Tbsp avocado oil 1 C medium grain white rice 3-4 garlic cloves, minced 1/4 sweet onion, chopped 1 Tbsp Knorr tomato bouillon 2 C hot water In a medium sauce pan over med-low heat, saute rice, garlic, onion, and bouillon in avocado oil until the rice is slightly toasted and golden. Add hot water to toasted rice. Stir, bring to a boil, then lower heat to low and simmer covered for 20 minutes. Fluff with a fork.
There is just something special about girlfriend-ship, especially as we get older. They keep our secrets, give solid advice when asked, listen well and pray harder. They love our kids as their own nieces and nephews, and our kids love them. We do not compete with one another, and we are each other's biggest fan. Encouragement is contagious among girlfriends, and even though they know our imperfections, they still adore our faces, laugh at our jokes and embrace our presence. They patiently listen, encourage and if we're really lucky, they speak our own words back to us when we need to hear them. When our lives feels like they are falling apart, they meet us where we're at, by phone, text, prayer or in person and stay as long as they are needed. There hasn't been a single life event that I could have gotten through without the love, encouragement and prayers of my friends. Like the Beatles, "I get by with a little help from my friends." To all of my girl friends, especially my faves (you know who you are), Thank you!
Ya'll are my tried and true "Gal"entines: Godsent Valentines. When I was little, I was super creative and loved to write. Many children are artists, singers, authors, actors, soccer players and scientists, until they are told that they are not. From what I’ve observed, it happens a lot with creative interests. You’re eleven and you’re singing a right fancy tune in the kitchen and someone comes along and tells you, “you’re just like me…can’t carry a tune in a bucket.” Or maybe you’re 16 and your English teacher openly criticizes your poems and stories in front of the whole class, insinuating that they are just not that good. You are not that good. You reach a point, where the things that you think you can do, you don’t dare try, just in case you’re wrong. I thought about starting a blog over a decade ago, then kept putting it off worried about all of the what ifs. Over the past several years, I have doubted whether or not to begin, thinking that I may have missed some some fantasized success window. More recently, though, I am believing that I have a story to share. No one can share my story, but me. This is scary! What if my insights are so different and obscure that no one can relate? What if no one wants to read it? What if only my mom reads it? What if my mom doesn't read it? What if... What if... What if... What if my words reach someone who needs to know that our lives, while different, aren't so different after all? What if there is someone out there who wonders if anyone cares? What if there is a person who thinks that they are all alone and that no one else could possibly understand? What if they are just waiting for someone to speak first? I’ll go first.
My son Gabriel has an appointment with a therapist tomorrow to talk about gender dysphoria and how it has and continues to affect him. According to the American Psychiatric Association, "Gender dysphoria refers to the psychological distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex (assigned at birth) and one’s gender identity." If he’s nervous, I’m nervous-er. I'm not just nervous, though. I'm hopeful. This is one major step he’ll take towards living the life he believes that he was always intended to live. I’ve witnessed this child of mine struggle with self hate and body image issues for the past several years. When he first came out as transgender, I was scared. I was worried about what others would think and how they would treat him. I was so scared that I asked him not to add the label. At school at the time, he experimented with names and asked to be called Lucas. I was faintly aware of his desired name, but didn’t pay much heed and never used it. We continued to use she/her pronouns at home and called him Gaby. He acquiesced. That was 3 years ago. Over the next three years, as he continued to grow and develop, as adolescents do. He grew more and more disgusted by his own body. He told us often how much he hated certain parts of his body, specifically the feminine ones. He imagined horrific ways to end his emotional pain, which included everything from self harm to suicide. Sometimes, he seemed ok on the outside, though, so on the occasions that he verbalized these feelings to me, I dismissed them as typical teen angst and self-loathing. What the HELL? I sought counsel from friends and family, and then chose to trust and believe what I wanted to believe, unfortunately at the expense of my own son. I am grateful that he was patient with me. I am thankful that Gabriel did not give up on my, God, but even more importantly, on himself and his life.
We have officially waited almost 3 months for this appointment, due to the mental health crisis that our country is enduring with limited access to mental health professionals. Unofficially, Gabriel has waited his entire life, so the couple of months that we have waited for this appointment have flown by for him. Would you say a little prayer for my kid? Or, if well wishes are more your thing, we’ll take whatever kind wishes, good vibes, encouragement or love you are willing to send our way! Thank you for your continuing kindness and love. As I have taught myself to cook authentic Mexican food over the past twenty years, a few things have been elusive to me. One of them is "Salsa Verde" or Tomatillo Salsa. Every time I tried to make Salsa Verde, my Mexican husband would declare it, "too limey". I'm sorry, but WHAT?? There is no lime!! I've since discovered that tomatillos can have a flavor profile that is similar to limes, so after some investigation and A LOT of trial and error, I created a recipe that has the perfect balance of all of the flavors. This salsa is perfect for tacos, chips, or over eggs. I haven't tried it with pork, yet to make Chile Verde, but you can bet that recipe is on the horizon. Green Salsa |
About the AuthorSandy is a parent educator, enneagram aficionado, conscious parenting advocate, self trained and proclaimed home chef, and mother of 4 amazing kids. Archives
May 2022
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