becoming sandy
Sharing what I am learning, unlearning and relearning as I navigate my way through a midlife unraveling and awakening, becoming the woman I was meant to be all along.
When my grandparents lived in the country, they hosted everyone for Thanksgiving. My mom would purchase, prepare and brine a turkey that my grandpa, in turn, would smoke outside in his smoker. My grandma made Cranberry Delight, and I would make Cheesy Potatoes and a Spinach Cranberry Orange Salad. When my aunt was in town, she'd bring the Green Bean Casserole, and together, my mom and grandma would make the Dressing (some call it stuffing). Sometimes, my grandma would make a sweet potato casserole, and sometimes she'd roast sweet potatoes. She'd always tell us, "I don't even like sweet potatoes." Then, we'd all laugh and sometimes roll our eyes. Before long, and typically before it was cooked through, my grandpa would declare the turkey was done and bring the turkey inside for us to try. More times than not, my mom and grandma would determine that it needed more cook time, so they'd finish it off in the microwave. At least one person would always proclaim it "The Best Thanksgiving Ever!" More than anything, I remember that I never felt disappointed or still in search of Thanks-giving. After my grandparents moved into town, my parents took over hosting Thanksgiving at their home in the country. Our location changed, and Grandpa passed the "smoking torch" to my dad, but most continued as usual. Thanksgiving endured some changes when my mom discovered that she has some severe food allergies, so we adapted as well, reworking the recipes that we could and discovering new favorites. Three things that never changed were that the turkey continued to be smoked outside and brought inside in need of additional cook time, "The Best Thanksgiving Ever" declaration, and I never left disappointed nor in search of Thanks-giving. The past couple of years, we've had to change the way we celebrate Thanksgiving even more due to illnesses and surgeries and precautions due to COVID. Each year, I tried so hard emulate the Thanksgivings that I remembered by doing everything that I could to make sure every single person was happy. In order to do so, I thought that I needed to make all of their favorites! Last year, we had an additional guest, as Sarah's best friend Darrian had moved in with us. I wanted her to feel included and hoped that she would feel less sad, as she was missing home. At the end of both years' Thanksgiving day, I found myself too exhausted to find Thanks-giving. I was so tired, I probably couldn't have seen it if it had smacked me in the face. Those were the first years, that I felt disappointed and lacking. This year, there were similar expectations as before. When asked, I received requests for ALL OF THE STUFF... ribs, ham, cheesy potatoes, mashed potatoes, pumpkin cake, strawberry pie, home made macaroni and cheese, dressing, and so forth. As an Enneagram 9, my default setting has me trying to do or say all of the things to keep everyone happy, which normally results in my afore mentioned exhaustion and disappointment. Since our neighbor gifted us a 12 pound frozen turkey, I decided that in addition to all of the other things that we'd discussed, I would also roast a turkey. As I planned our Thanksgiving menu and the day grew closer, I determined that I needed to work less, ask for help, and put a limit on expectations, my own included. I googled brine recipes and discovered " The Pioneer Woman's" "Best Roasted Turkey" recipe and her "Favorite Turkey Brine". I created my shopping list, purchased all of the ingredients, and snagged the necessary tools, and I roasted my very first turkey. It was actually really good. It cooked in a lot less time than I thought that it would, and since I'd done most of the prep the night before with the brine, I was freed up to make some delicious "Creamy Mashed Potatoes", also a recipe from "The Pioneer Woman". I used the drippings to make a gravy (which was not my favorite, but edible). I boiled the turkey innards and included them in my dressing, which was and still is one of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving dinner. Rachel and Darrian made the Pumpkin Cake, and they also peeled all of the apples for the apple crisp. Jake contributed by peeling ALL of the potatoes for our breakfast hash AND for the mashed potatoes. He declared, "I like peeling potatoes!" which is very good information for this mama to tuck away. We also baked up some brie and served it with some crispy baked bread. After we ate, we were able to relax and learn a new game, Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza. If you haven't played, try it out and thank me later. You'll be howling with laughter. (I've even recommended it to strangers at the store.) In my search of Thanks-giving this year, I learned a few things. First, I learned that even though Sarah couldn't make it home, and we missed her like crazy, Thanksgiving still came. We still celebrated, and we still gave thanks. I learned that I can set and maintain boundaries, no matter how small, and preserve a little of my own peace in addition to meeting the wants and needs of others. To be honest, I didn't really even miss the ribs. I did miss the cheesy potatoes, though. Maybe I'll make them for Christmas this year. This Thanksgiving was filled with phone calls and texts with daughters, aunts and cousins, with parents and grandparents, all of whom reminded me that they are always there for us and love us no matter what. I'm grateful to share that at the end of it all, I found Thanksgiving.
Ooh, there is one last thing that I learned. I do not like brie (the cheese). I do not like it "fresh". I do not like it "baked". I have no desire to try it any other way at any other time. I'll leave it for those of you who do like it, which I know means, "more for you," and that is perfectly fine with me.
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My daughter Sarah called last night to tell me that she may not make it home for Thanksgiving due to some issues with her car. Immediately, I felt a variety of emotions. I felt not just sadness and disappointment, but also hope and gratitude.
Since Sarah moved to Colorado in August for a year of college and self discovery, we are having to relearn how we are as a family. Nothing is the same without her smile and laugh lighting up our home. While I normally decorate for fall, this year, we haven't put anything up at all. Festivity feels fleeting. Earlier this month, Darrian and Gabriel wanted to start decorating for Christmas, but stopped when Sarah texted to ask us to wait for her to decorate over Thanksgiving. If she doesn't make it home, will this be something else that we let slide? I'm feeling sad and really disappointed about the prospect of celebrating Thanksgiving without all of my kids together. I know that I can handle these emotions. I'm learning how to acknowledge my own disappointment without the perceived shame of it falling on my children. Fortunately, there is still a chance that she'll make it home. As a regular "jack of all trades" and mechanics, my cousin, Ryan has a way with cars. He has many of his own and does most of his own mechanical work. I feel hopeful that if there is a way for it to work out, he will make it happen. I also know that if she doesn't make it home for Thanksgiving, she will not be alone. Our Colorado family loves Sarah very much. They will Include her in the festivities, and she will learn new traditions for the holiday. For that, I feel grateful. I am also confident in the knowledge, that whether she is home November 24th or December 16th, she will be home again. Hello! Welcome! I'm Sandy and I'm one of those Jesus followers who loves all of the people, but I sometimes really suck at showing it. I'm married to Rafael. I have 2 daughters, Sarah and Rachel and 2 sons, Gabriel and Jacob. Our oldest daughter's best friend also lives with us. Her name is Darrian. We have more pets than you can count, and we also have a few chickens. I work as a Parent Educator, partnering with families as they raise their children from birth to kindergarten, and I love it! Recently, my oldest daughter moved to Colorado for school, and we're still adjusting to her absence. We've been battling and conquering anxiety, depression and shame this year, and what I've learned so far is that while we never really know how everything will work together, God does! And He is good!
Come along with me, as I navigate my own mid-life unraveling. I'm not done, yet. I'm still trying to figure it all out. |
About the AuthorSandy is a parent educator, enneagram aficionado, conscious parenting advocate, self trained and proclaimed home chef, and mother of 4 amazing kids. Archives
May 2022
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